When Love Hurts

When we adopted Winnie and Pooh 4 years ago, our hearts were timid and scared to love again after having to put down our dog, Cooper. But when we walked into the pet store on adoption day, it was love at first sight when I saw Winnie. She was wearing a red bandanna around her neck and had scruffy fur that reminded me of a Boyd's Bear. Pooh was outside going potty when we inquired about Winnie. Their foster parents said that they'd like to keep them together if at all possible. Their owner was an elderly woman who had passed away and they had been pretty traumatized by going to Animal Control. They were 7 years old and no one adopted them after their five day stay, so they would've been put down had Second Chance Animal Rescue not stepped in and taken them.

Paul and I took a drive and discussed the pros and cons to having 2 dogs - after all, we were only planning on getting one. After making our decision, we said we'd go back to the store and if they were still there, it was meant to be. They were there, but with a crowd of people gathered around them. My heart dropped, thinking that one of these other people might have already adopted them.

They quickly became a part of our home. We were sooooo blessed to adopt these great dogs! They proved to be loving and sweet and so mellow. They loved to cuddle and go for walks and were great with our friends' kids.

Over the course of the last year, Winnie has lost her hearing and a lot of her sight as well. Recently, she's developed a lot of other issues - becoming disoriented easily, having accidents, becoming extremely clumsy, crying and screaming in the night, not remembering simple commands. We visited the vet four weeks ago and found out that she has something called Cognitive Dysfunctional Syndrome and she is pretty far advanced. CDS is similar to Alzheimer's in humans. The vet said that there is medication that can sometimes improve their quality of life, but he didn't think she would benefit much from it at this point. We decided to try it anyway. He took blood to make sure her organs were healthy enough to handle this strong medicine. She was, so she started on it immediately. The vet said that if she was going to see any benefit from it, she'd see it by about week 2-3.

So far, we've not seen any changes in her condition. She has good moments and she has bad moments. When it is 2:00AM and we wake up to her screaming as if she's been hit by a car and we can't settle her down because she is so confused and shaken up, we feel like maybe it is her time to go. But then the next morning, she acts as if nothing happened and follows me around as I get ready for work begging for a treat.

Have you ever loved something or someone so much that it hurts? Paul and I have been agonizing over what to do for the last 4 weeks. We can't imagine our house without Winnie. It just wouldn't be the same. But we love her so much that we don't want her to hurt or to be confused anymore either. Just when we think we know what we should do - what is our responsibility to do, then she goes and does something extra cute and silly like she's telling us that it's not her time.

I've prayed a lot about this and asked God to give me signs when it is her time to go. And each time I ask, He gives them to me - a worse night than usual where she screams and is extra confused, an accident in the hallway that she paces through a hundred times and gets poop everywhere while we are at work, an extra skittish night when she freaked out while Paul was holding her and flailed out of his arms hitting her nose on his night stand on the way down. Each day, there is a new thing that happens.

I hate the thought of playing God and trying to determine when her life should be over. What if we end it too soon? Any of you pet lovers know how excruciating this decision is. Please say a prayer for us and for Winnie Girl.